I was in the small town of Duryea, PA today, preparing to make a delivery to a mom-and-pop store. As I was about to enter the market, a man in a beat-up pick-up truck with out-of-state tags came rolling up. The driver, who looked like an overweight member of ZZ Top, called to me, "Hey buddy!"
I guardedly stopped and asked, "Yesss?"
"Is there a high school around here?"
My first thought: "PERVERT!" But, wanting to be at least civil, I responded, "No, not here. Which high school are you looking for?"
"One here in Duryea," the man quipped.
I shook my head, "Sorry, not here. The school district for this town is Pittston Area. The high school is in Yatesville."
Puzzled, the man shrugged, "Boy, am I lost. ...So, is there any high school right near here?"
Now I was getting a bit concerned. Hesitantly, I offered, "The closest is Old Forge, about 2 1/2 miles right up this road."
He muttered, "I wanted to find Duryea High School... So, no high school in Duryea, huh?"
"No," I reinforced. "The old Duryea High School was closed more than a dozen years ago when school districts consolidated."
Unwavering, he inquired, "Well, how would I get to it?"
I gave him directions, to which he stammered, "So, it's been closed a long time, huh?"
"... Boy, am I lost. What do I do now?"
Get into your DeLorean, call "Doc" for help and set your coordinates for the past!
NEXT UP: The 5th edition of the STUPIES, followed by the official unveiling of the newly renovated "Nullum Cerebellum Bomboli!"